“This is how adults date.” No, sir, it’s not.
A few months ago, Madison, a 25-year-old from Indiana, decided to meet up with a man she’d been talking to for about three weeks on Tinder. “He was supposed to take me to dinner, but changed the plan and decided to just go back to his house and watch a movie.”
In the video, Madison’s date basically shames her for not sleeping with him and tells her that adults don’t use Tinder to date, they use Tinder “to fuck,” and therefore Madison was misleading him by using Tinder in the first place.
Then, Madison tells her date that if that’s how he feels, he should be more upfront in his dating profile and say that’s what he’s looking for. To which he responds, “If you say that, you’re not gonna get any Tinder matchups!”*
*In other words, you should LIE about your intentions in order to get women back to your apartment. Gross.
After that, Madison essentially tells him that his theory is bullshit (which it is) and an example of “toxic masculinity” (which it is). He tells her that it’s not, it’s “reality.” He also says that she needs to “wake up” and that “he’s trying to help” her so she doesn’t end up in this situation in the future.
What’s that sound you hear? Oh, it’s just my blood BOILING.
Luckily, Madison was able to leave safely and went straight home afterward. “The worst part [about what he said] was that he didn’t feel like I had the right to say, ‘No,'” she told BuzzFeed. “That I was obligated to have sex with him because I went back to his apartment.”
“I’m in recovery, so I’ve gone through a lot of bad stuff that kind of taught me, along with therapy, to stay calm in situations like that. I knew I had a choice, but my worry was that other women in this situation might not feel like they have a choice.”
The comments on Madison’s TikTok range from other women commenting on how scary the situation looks to absolutely dragging her date for using such dangerous and contradictory logic.
But as scary as Madison’s situation was, it’s not an isolated incident and speaks to a much larger issue of straight men being aggressive, predatory, and overall shitty to women they meet on dating apps. According to a study conducted by Pew Research Center, 57% of women ages 18–34 on dating apps have experienced sexually explicit messages and images they didn’t ask for — 19% of which involved physical threats — and 53% of women don’t believe that dating apps are a safe way to meet someone. Gee, I wonder why.
Overall, Madison told BuzzFeed that she finds the response to her video empowering. “Showing girls that it’s OK to say ‘No’ regardless of the time you put into a relationship, that was my main goal in sharing it.”
Madison, I’m so glad you were able to get out of that situation safely. And to her date — and all the other men out there who actually think and behave this way — people like you are the reason we feel unsafe dating and around men in general. Women do not owe you ANYTHING, regardless of the circumstances, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can work toward becoming a decent human being.
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